Things to Know:

  • Do Whatever Feels Right You have no obligation to behave in any specific manner. Everyone grieves differently and your grief is your own.  
  • People May Say Hurtful Things
  • Not Sitting Shiva Doesn’t Minimize Your Baby or Your Loss. If your custom is to not sit shiva, this does not mean your baby is any less important or real. Feel free to create your own version of shiva by organizing your day to be with the appropriate people or alone, as you like. 
  •  For Moms:  Many people, even your closest family and friends, will not know how to behave around you or what to say. Many will say unintentionally stupid or hurtful things. Do not feel any pressure to spend time with anyone. Your comfort and ability to grieve is paramount. You will likely experience post-partum hormonal changes that will compound your feelings of grief. Be gentle to yourself. Try not to compare your feelings to those of your spouse or any else’s  Your milk will come in 2-3 days after you leave the hospital. There are milk banks available if you are up to donating your milk, but if you’d like to forgo that option, make sure you have Motrin to help with the swelling and placing frozen cabbage leaves on your breasts is a homeopathic way to ease milk production. You will be bleeding, become itchy and perhaps develop hemerroids. Take care when cleaning yourself after the bathroom and ask the hospital for an anti-itch spray you can apply after going to the bathroom Remember that you just gave birth. You should consider taking as much time as you need. The State will still supply you with disability if you are working so that you do not need to rush back to work.

Things You May Want To Do

  •  Consider if, when and how you feel comfortable letting family, friends and co-workers know what happened. Some people will choose to communicate their loss to as few people as possible. Others might have an email sent out to a select group. Feel free to do what feels right.
  • Empower one individual to “manage” communications to family members and friends. This can, but doesn’t need to be, your closest family member or friend.